A gracious society, Singapore? (WARNING: VERY Long post)

Extract from ST Online:

April 9, 2005
NEIGHBOURS' DISPUTE
Friendly at first, then insults, complaints came
Plaintiff says he had even been invited to other family's home

TWO families now involved in a bitter legal dispute began their neighbourly life as friends, a court heard yesterday.

Mr Tay Poh Cheok, 57, and his wife, Madam Lim Beng Lay, 51, filed five charges accusing their Jalan Angin Laut neighbour, Mr Bobby Yeo, 50, of making insulting remarks against them and their autistic son.

They have also levelled similar accusations against Mr Yeo's mother, Madam Goh Pek Tin, 80.

But on the second day of the hearing yesterday, Mr Tay said that when he first moved into the house in January 2002, the Yeos invited him over to their house.

Things quickly turned sour, however.

The Yeos soon started to complain about the noise and dust from renovation work on Mr Tay's house. The work had to be extended by two months, Mr Tay said, to accommodate Mr Yeo's demands, such as making the contractors use one drill instead of three.

Shortly after they moved in, Mr Tay said, Mr Yeo became unhappy with the noise created by his 13-year-old autistic son and called the police. The boy sometimes banged doors and hit the window grilles.

Mr Yeo is alleged to have told Mr Tay that 'your son is your retribution'.

In a shaky voice, Mr Tay told the court yesterday: 'As a father, it felt like a needle poking me.'

Mr Tay also said that when his neighbour started to hurl Hokkien vulgarities at his family in May 2003, the couple decided to tape his profanities as evidence.

However, under cross-examination by Mr Yeo's counsel, Mr Peter Fernando, Mr Tay admitted the main source of antagonism was washing of the Tays' cars.

The Yeos felt the Tays - who own a Nissan Cefiro and a Mercedes-Benz - made no attempt to stop the dirty water from the Yeos car washes seeping into their driveway.

The accusations continued to pile up. Mr Tay said his maid had seen Mr Yeo sprinkle detergent powder on the driveway to create more soapy water.

He also admitted telling Mr Yeo: 'The road does not belong to your father. I have every right to use the public road to wash my car.'

On another occasion, Mr Fernando said, the Tays' maid had to restrain Madam Lim from hitting Madam Goh after the elderly woman allegedly called her autistic child a 'mad son'.

Mr Tay disagreed, saying the couple had only 'surged forward and stared hard'.

He also denies bringing three people to his house to intimidate Mr Yeo.

Mr Yeo's counsel has so far maintained that the insulting remarks were verbal exchanges between two angry men and were directed squarely at Mr Tay and not at his wife or son.

Therefore, he argues, there was no outrage of a woman's modesty, as laid out in the charges.

The case has been scheduled for a pre-trial conference next Friday.

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Ok, so its the entire story. as we march forward towards 40 years of independence and nation building this year, our supposingly "higher class" (richer) people are sueing each other over issues that thought only kids from primary schools would argue over. the difference is that in primary school, you don't bring each other to court, you just say, "don't friend you liao".

It is ironic and definitely an insult that our Courtesy Campaign which was launched in 1979 by then PM LKY. I don't know, i've never lived in such houses, but i think sharing a common corrider and having our main door less than 2 metres from our neighbour helps us to learn the value of patience.

We live in a community, we need to learn how to give and take. there are always opporunities to complain in everywhere we go, the problem is that many of us do not realise that it is not the situation that aggravate us, but its the defensive and selfish ways we choose to handle it irritates ourselves.

At the back of our mind, we are always motivated by, "hey, I cannot accept this", "hey, why should I tolerant such slow service?", "wah, I don't feel look leh". I, I, I, Me, Me, Me.

Apparently, it seems to be rich men (sweeping statement here) seem to have more of these problem. They hold high commanding (demanding) position in work, more often than not, their lives are paced by the minute (can you imagine that?!), they do things today hoping they had done it yesterday, they expect not to wait, they thought everyone is david copper field.

Pitiful lot i say. they are lonely, unhappy, and empty, no matter how much luxuries they have. A big house that you only come back home late to, a garden that only your dog enjoy it, and maid maintaining it, a pool that breeds mosqitoes. Yes, its a sweeping assumption, in real world; it could happen to anyone, including myself.

Losing balance and control of our lives, failing to achieve real happiness, we become less tolerant towards small irritants in life. Our minds are deprived and lost, and that's why we complain as an attempt to gain control, to stay right. it makes us feel superior, in control. But more often than not, our mind doesn't stop even if the matter is settled. That is the reason why the now infamous Joo Chiat neighbours kept going back to the court like its their second home.

That is the reason why Courtesy champaign don't work at all! the fundamental reason is that many of us don't find the reason to be nice to others. Our unique singapore identity, "We are number One", burns deep into everyone's mind, and become a living slogan for many. If we are always right, always number 1, why must we "bow" to others. We are crashing our own graciousness through our development.

i think i said enough.. too much in fact. if you have read so far. you are amazing.